the beginning

hmm...my first post. i've had this blog up for like a week now, but it's been so hard to actually say something. i've never had a blog before, so this is all new to me. but through this, i hope i hope i can share my relation to God and his hand in my life. i also like to read and think a lot, and it could be a good place to talk about the things going through my mind. it's funny that out of all the days i decided to get this going, it's probably the one day out of the week where i've felt the most spiritually inadequate. like, no matter what i do or think or pray seems to be the right thing or last long enough. my utmost for his highest is so challenging. i don't know whether or not i'm praying for my own needs all the time and not trying to know God for who he is, and then there's the issue of praying for others (or lack thereof) and my future decisions. but honestly, i haven't been giving God much time, and i feel a longing for him that will only be satisfied by some deep time with him. so, as soon as i'm done with this....off i am to some OT reading and some quality time with God... i was encouraged, through, in reading my dear brother josh's report from mexico. i appreciate his honesty. as someone with such a high reputation, admired by many, it's easy to think that he has no problems or struggles. but yet, he does. but his answer is in the grace of Jesus, who says, "then neither do i condemn you. go now and leave your life of sin." and the cross, the pillar of strength, God's flagpole of victory, is what empowers him--and has the efficacy to do the same for me and everyone as well. on my own i am inadequate. but this i know: God loves me; and he gave himself to me regardless. if only now i may give myself to him, that this life may be that much better in him--that i could savor his goodness and his love and find what it means to "walk with God" and to "know Christ." what powerful words. what intimate words. and so, despite these feelings, i can come to God and draw near. hmm...well, there's post one. turned out better than i thought. God bless... -brendan